There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
