Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
