sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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