She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
