i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
