fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
