remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
