Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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