it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
