Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
It was confusing and full of hummus
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
