Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
