totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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