We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
