I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
