Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
