What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We had sex on a dog bed..
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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