Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
