Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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