As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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