I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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