saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
