Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
