Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
there is glitter all over my balls
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
