Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
