You can't motorboat a personality
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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