Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
