I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
