Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
