So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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