The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
