i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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