Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
