You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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