i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
