worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
