You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
