You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
