Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
