I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
