We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
