somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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