hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
