I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
