Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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