I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
