And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
false alarm, still single
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