So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
