this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
