I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
