You smell like a Billy Joel song
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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