No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
zippers are such a cool invention
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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