just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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