I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
