Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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